Today, I arrived early to my job. While listening to my iPod, and unable to focus my mind into the mental investment some call Earnest Hemmingway, I just picked up a pen, flipped over my direction (to my job) sheet, and started writing... I haven't been able to focus on anything the last couple weeks, not the blog, not my book, along with many things...too much going on in my head and for once i was able to put a fragment onto the back of my paper.
Finally a male model arrived and peeked over my shoulder after I neglected to greet him with the standard hello and a kiss on each cheek
"What are you writing?!?!" he asked
I pulled my left ear phone, gave him a 'mind your own business' glance and said
"Just what I'm thinking".
I was actually able to translate my sloppy chicken scratch, without going in and editing what would sound or looks better and type it into an email to Andrew. He then swayed me into posting my intimate laundry onto the blogspot for my 2 viewers, so here it goes....
This song brings me back to 2003. Late August, early September. I'm laying on the beach, staring at the dark sky. Hopelessly forecasting into the future through the stars.
Dreams of having a fighting chance to prove myself to a young man that seems as achievable as it was to reach up and grasp a cluster of stars. I dreamt of holding his hand, touching his lips, and spending the rest of our lives together. As the waves crashed onto the shore, in sync with the beat of the song; it all did seem like a mere dream. I'd of never thought I'd be living on an island, gazing into the nights sky as a hopeless romantic.
How come when dreams become true, we so easily forget the value of what we achieve? I mentally put myself into the future with Andrew. 1 year and 4 months later I no longer was seeing a dream of our future, but was together promising eternity with the man of my dreams.
I now sit bundled up in a warm winter coat in a cobble stone studio, awaiting some photo shoot with pays a measly 250 Euro that I find myself ungrateful for. I used to not even dream of traveling to Europe to work as a model, and quicker than I could allow myself to dream, I've already lost appreciation of everything that was placed so high on a pedestal. I cringe when I feel myself falling away from my love. I try to fix these feelings and put things back to how they once were unknowing if it's attainable.
While I do love my job, as it has taken me to various parts of the world, it has lost its lustre of how I thought it would be. When are things going to be as they seem? Is is just me or this this a common occurrence that life is misunderstood? Whats funny is the song that struck these thoughts is called "it's all understood".
Monday, February 25, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
she's got the whooole world in her room.
In our room we had representatives from America, Austrailia, Brazil, Hungary, Russia, Serbia and Slovakia. Kara and And I were talking about it as we walked to the store, everyone surfed the internet on our computers while we were gone....and Kara and I started to sing " We got the whooooole world in our room, we got the whooooole world in our room, we got the whole world in our room! "
The roomates keep on piling in day by day and while each girl's arrival can be very much like a blind date, we find ourselves falling in love every time. I especially am so fascinated be the female specimen. I haven't solely lived with females ( and a large variety at that) in over 3 years.
I cant remember when I've laughed sooo much... When Someone says something, it usually has to be repeated a handful of times due to the variation of accents and the speed at which all words exit our mouths. I laugh my way through it because I find it humorous and beautiful at the same time. I think how the hell am I standing here with these girls from around the world, whom i feel like Ive known my whole life....talking about everyday things while still being able to filter through everything and still understand eachothers humor, whether there be a few seconds delay or not...
Kara and I have formed a bond that you think wouldn't be acheivable in a measly month... We clicked instantly. Being American as well, we've got eachother to fall back on when our jokes initially bomb, we just get it, we get eachother. Sunday we woke up and went to the Akropoli, We sat atop the parthanon and overlooked athens and talked for hours. by the time we left it felt like that feeling you get after an hour long massage..... so relaxed from this natural high of the peace and calm of everything. It was finally a chance to step back from all of our daily chaos and soak in where we are, the beauty and the history of Greece. When we stepped into the area after getting off of the subway Kara sighed and said "Whoa, it feels like we're in a different country"... What's funny is almost simutaneously the same thing ran through my head. We of course got quite the laugh out of that because well, we are in a different country... But the magic hasn't quite been there with the pressing time constraint, and the weight of our portfolios, shoes, water bottles, food and dont forget stress on our shoulders while running around athens for castings. It was the first time that we could've gone out without any jacket. The day couldn't have been more beautiful. We ended up eating in a cafe, finding ourselves friendship bracelets to consimate our romantical day together. We made it to this really swanky cafe/lounge place on the beach by sunset and continued to unwind.... we then walked along the beach and talked some more... and laughed again, because our day just continued to get more and more dreamy and romantic. We then met up with some friends who suprised us that they have a boat and we went there for a while and talked while we waited for some others to meet up with us. Shortly after we made it to the cinema, where we saw the new Jack Nicholson/ Morgan Freeman movie. It took place in LA... It did make me a bit homesick for California to be honest. It was actually a really great movie ( Called the bucket list) It inspired Kara and I to soon create a bucket list of our own.
The weather has continued to be sooo beautiful, which is quite the gift after the freezing cold rain and snow storms we've been having here. I learn something new about myself daily... I love walking alone whethere it be to a casting or the supermarket. Its a sense of freedom and independence that's unexpectedly unexplainable.. I guess it happens when you are out and about and can't really communicate clearly with anyone but yourself. Everyday I'm falling more and more in love with this city, though the smells on the subways and buses are a true test for our love.
I've got to get to sleep but I will leave you with a blog that my roomate Kara had posted a little while back... Kara and I both have sleep walking/talking in our past:
Thursday, January 31, 2008
"I go out walking after midnight"
This is really funny to me and I have to write about it...
So Brynn had a booking for a runway show last week. It was a crazy kind of runway show and in it she was required to rollerskate. Well, the night before...after talking for a few hours we turn off the lights and go to bed. What happened next is so foggy but here's what I think I saw. Brynn was in her blue american appearal shirt and her PJ pants in the kitchen. I woke up to go pee and all I could see was Brynn's blue shirt gliding across the kitchen floor. I realized that she was practicing roller skating in her socks on the kitchen. Now Brynn does not remember this so she claims! She's either the best model in the world to stay up all night practicing...or was sleep walking..I'm not sure!
Two nights later I had this crazy dream that I was walking with some people and I fell into a hole. I climbed up on a platform and started running back and forth and banging on the ceiling yelling "help" "help". I finally heard Brynn say "Kara?" in a very confused tone of voice. When I heard her say this I woke up and was standing on the top bunk of my bed. I had no idea why I was up there or how I got there. Appearantly I was running back and forth on the top bunk of my bunk beds banging on the ceiling and screaming out loud "help". I woke Brynn up. In the morning I realized I completely destroyed my bed...there was wood everywhere...best sleep walking adventure yet!
Can you imagine waking up to your roommate running back and forth on beds and screaming...OR...waking up to your roommate roller skating in the kitchen? I can't stop laughing!!
Hopefully more sleeping adventures to come..just less dangerous!
The roomates keep on piling in day by day and while each girl's arrival can be very much like a blind date, we find ourselves falling in love every time. I especially am so fascinated be the female specimen. I haven't solely lived with females ( and a large variety at that) in over 3 years.
I cant remember when I've laughed sooo much... When Someone says something, it usually has to be repeated a handful of times due to the variation of accents and the speed at which all words exit our mouths. I laugh my way through it because I find it humorous and beautiful at the same time. I think how the hell am I standing here with these girls from around the world, whom i feel like Ive known my whole life....talking about everyday things while still being able to filter through everything and still understand eachothers humor, whether there be a few seconds delay or not...
Kara and I have formed a bond that you think wouldn't be acheivable in a measly month... We clicked instantly. Being American as well, we've got eachother to fall back on when our jokes initially bomb, we just get it, we get eachother. Sunday we woke up and went to the Akropoli, We sat atop the parthanon and overlooked athens and talked for hours. by the time we left it felt like that feeling you get after an hour long massage..... so relaxed from this natural high of the peace and calm of everything. It was finally a chance to step back from all of our daily chaos and soak in where we are, the beauty and the history of Greece. When we stepped into the area after getting off of the subway Kara sighed and said "Whoa, it feels like we're in a different country"... What's funny is almost simutaneously the same thing ran through my head. We of course got quite the laugh out of that because well, we are in a different country... But the magic hasn't quite been there with the pressing time constraint, and the weight of our portfolios, shoes, water bottles, food and dont forget stress on our shoulders while running around athens for castings. It was the first time that we could've gone out without any jacket. The day couldn't have been more beautiful. We ended up eating in a cafe, finding ourselves friendship bracelets to consimate our romantical day together. We made it to this really swanky cafe/lounge place on the beach by sunset and continued to unwind.... we then walked along the beach and talked some more... and laughed again, because our day just continued to get more and more dreamy and romantic. We then met up with some friends who suprised us that they have a boat and we went there for a while and talked while we waited for some others to meet up with us. Shortly after we made it to the cinema, where we saw the new Jack Nicholson/ Morgan Freeman movie. It took place in LA... It did make me a bit homesick for California to be honest. It was actually a really great movie ( Called the bucket list) It inspired Kara and I to soon create a bucket list of our own.
The weather has continued to be sooo beautiful, which is quite the gift after the freezing cold rain and snow storms we've been having here. I learn something new about myself daily... I love walking alone whethere it be to a casting or the supermarket. Its a sense of freedom and independence that's unexpectedly unexplainable.. I guess it happens when you are out and about and can't really communicate clearly with anyone but yourself. Everyday I'm falling more and more in love with this city, though the smells on the subways and buses are a true test for our love.
I've got to get to sleep but I will leave you with a blog that my roomate Kara had posted a little while back... Kara and I both have sleep walking/talking in our past:
Thursday, January 31, 2008
"I go out walking after midnight"
This is really funny to me and I have to write about it...
So Brynn had a booking for a runway show last week. It was a crazy kind of runway show and in it she was required to rollerskate. Well, the night before...after talking for a few hours we turn off the lights and go to bed. What happened next is so foggy but here's what I think I saw. Brynn was in her blue american appearal shirt and her PJ pants in the kitchen. I woke up to go pee and all I could see was Brynn's blue shirt gliding across the kitchen floor. I realized that she was practicing roller skating in her socks on the kitchen. Now Brynn does not remember this so she claims! She's either the best model in the world to stay up all night practicing...or was sleep walking..I'm not sure!
Two nights later I had this crazy dream that I was walking with some people and I fell into a hole. I climbed up on a platform and started running back and forth and banging on the ceiling yelling "help" "help". I finally heard Brynn say "Kara?" in a very confused tone of voice. When I heard her say this I woke up and was standing on the top bunk of my bed. I had no idea why I was up there or how I got there. Appearantly I was running back and forth on the top bunk of my bunk beds banging on the ceiling and screaming out loud "help". I woke Brynn up. In the morning I realized I completely destroyed my bed...there was wood everywhere...best sleep walking adventure yet!
Can you imagine waking up to your roommate running back and forth on beds and screaming...OR...waking up to your roommate roller skating in the kitchen? I can't stop laughing!!
Hopefully more sleeping adventures to come..just less dangerous!
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