Today, I arrived early to my job. While listening to my iPod, and unable to focus my mind into the mental investment some call Earnest Hemmingway, I just picked up a pen, flipped over my direction (to my job) sheet, and started writing... I haven't been able to focus on anything the last couple weeks, not the blog, not my book, along with many things...too much going on in my head and for once i was able to put a fragment onto the back of my paper.
Finally a male model arrived and peeked over my shoulder after I neglected to greet him with the standard hello and a kiss on each cheek
"What are you writing?!?!" he asked
I pulled my left ear phone, gave him a 'mind your own business' glance and said
"Just what I'm thinking".
I was actually able to translate my sloppy chicken scratch, without going in and editing what would sound or looks better and type it into an email to Andrew. He then swayed me into posting my intimate laundry onto the blogspot for my 2 viewers, so here it goes....
This song brings me back to 2003. Late August, early September. I'm laying on the beach, staring at the dark sky. Hopelessly forecasting into the future through the stars.
Dreams of having a fighting chance to prove myself to a young man that seems as achievable as it was to reach up and grasp a cluster of stars. I dreamt of holding his hand, touching his lips, and spending the rest of our lives together. As the waves crashed onto the shore, in sync with the beat of the song; it all did seem like a mere dream. I'd of never thought I'd be living on an island, gazing into the nights sky as a hopeless romantic.
How come when dreams become true, we so easily forget the value of what we achieve? I mentally put myself into the future with Andrew. 1 year and 4 months later I no longer was seeing a dream of our future, but was together promising eternity with the man of my dreams.
I now sit bundled up in a warm winter coat in a cobble stone studio, awaiting some photo shoot with pays a measly 250 Euro that I find myself ungrateful for. I used to not even dream of traveling to Europe to work as a model, and quicker than I could allow myself to dream, I've already lost appreciation of everything that was placed so high on a pedestal. I cringe when I feel myself falling away from my love. I try to fix these feelings and put things back to how they once were unknowing if it's attainable.
While I do love my job, as it has taken me to various parts of the world, it has lost its lustre of how I thought it would be. When are things going to be as they seem? Is is just me or this this a common occurrence that life is misunderstood? Whats funny is the song that struck these thoughts is called "it's all understood".
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
you have a gift
I have been going through a similar experience lately. Different circumstances, but similar at the core.
Then I was sitting in church last week, listening to a missionary speak at the pulpit. I usually have such a hard time paying attention to anything that goes on up there, but for some reason, I was glued to this girl's words. She said something that was so simple, yet it struck me so hard. -In life, our main goal is to be happy.
Everything we do is so that we can try and achieve happiness. Why do we eat? So our bodies can be full, which would cause us happiness. Why do we buy that new $600 purse? Because we believe that it will bring us more happiness. Why do we take that new job that pays so well? To earn money so we can be happy! Why do we shower? So we don't stink and will look better, therefore, so we can be happier. Get the trend?
Well the thing about all of that is it's all temporary happiness. Sure we showered today, but we're still going to have to shower tomorrow. Sure we got that beautiful new Marc Jacobs bag, but the sparkle always wears off after a little while.
All of it is temporary happiness. It runs out after awhile, leaving us to feel exactly how we did before we had it. It's just human nature though, to be constantly seeking happiness.
The key to it all though? Surprisingly it's what we've been taught all along. It's God. It's love. It's family. Those are the things that will bring us everlasting happiness. The kind that doesn't fade away and leave us feeling empty and ungrateful. Having a solid relationship with Heavenly Father, a close relationship with our spouse, those are the things that will keep us full of happiness. Not just the instant gratification kind, but the real kind.
Follow your bliss...
I agree. If you weren't a model you could easily be a journalist or writer! Everything you say makes perfect sense and you say it in such a deep, meaningful way =)
Hopefully you know who 'anonymous' is, that would drive me crazy trying to figure that out! Hopefully some random weirdo isn't reading your blog!
i love you!! lets talk soon. email me back dang nabbit!
who is "lady" ? Such good anecdote and no one to claim it!
Post a Comment