I've been making mental To Do's lately. Some are daily to do's, some are weekly. But at this moment- this very magic moment- I'm talkin' bout LIFELONG To Do's.
As Blog as my witness.
I will carry on, in no specific order; as to what has got the hamster in my noggin running a marathon.
- Own a small hole-in-the-wall bakery.
I am very picky when it comes to baking. I WILL NOT. bake cookies that are store bought dough. I will not buy store bought cupcakes or cakes. (Don't get me wrong, I will devour any of those offered to me, or put within a 10 feet radius of me). I am obsessed with baking that perfect treat. I believe this all started with my mother. If y'all were a therapist we would root this issue back to mama mia. She is hands down the best cook and baker in the world. no joke. She makes everything from scratch, yet remains humble about. "Oh I just threw that in with this, let it simmer, and just tossed this and that in once cooled.( Just after 17 minutes and 35 seconds which makes it perfectly soft and heavenly)". I feel like a sinner if I even look at the packed cookie dough ( which is sooo yummy, which helped pack on my freshman 10-15), like a preachers daughter walking by a tattoo shop, tempting possibly, but not an option.
Let me tell you, while I was in Greece my childhood friend Lizzy (who's living in Holland) came over to visit me, and one of the first discussions we had was about my mother and her cooking. Now I hadn't seen Lizzy in about 6 years, and who knows the last time she was over for dinner! Yet, she still remembers mi madre's home cookin. Therefore, I've got big shoes to fill.
My idea is more so opening a business with my mom, If we ever live in the same city again, or we'll open up a branch in LA and in Portland. Its a thought thats always lingering in the back of my head. And I know it will happen. The question ( like for most of my to do's) is When?
- Transition from Model to Model/Student to Stylist/writer to Author
Modeling is definately something that I am taking advantage of while my boobs aren't sweeping the floor and my skin doesn't quite look vintage yet. But I definately am comfortable when the time comes. And am obviously not fighting it because I can count on one hand the amount of times I've worn a bra in the last year. And I rarely moisturize (yikes, I know). But The money is not consistent, and It can be kind of draining. While I AM modeling I hope to network when appropriate ( I hate when people are crazy networkers and dont actually try and get to know the people. But I would love to be a wardrobe stylist while I ease my way into Possibly Fashion Journalism and in the end straight up just be a writer who wears cool threads. I love to write but I know I need to go to School...(maybe).
In my head the other day I was having a funny conversation with myself. Growing up- I was a dancer. I had classes and practices a few times a week. and recitals and competitions less frequently. Then, there was those kids who never trained or anything, wouldn't be able to tell you what a pirouette was, or what it was to be on releve. But they could out dance a class of leotards like no other. Like Maybe if I just stay consistant with my writing, I won't really need much training. Just someone to give me a chance to show myself, and get that Job. Here I am talking myself out of school, when I just said it was a goal- tisk tisk.
- Photography
Just as a hobby. I want to buy a spiffy camera. But I most definately will not neglect my Humble Holga or Polaroid. Which can be as equally impressive. I definately think at times I can see things from a different aspect as others... Not that I am uber artsy, but I'd like to capture my point of view as well! And lets face it when I have little Brynn Jr.'s running around, I'm going to shoot them until they die- (of embarassment).
- Oh, that morning person
Yes, I want to be the lady you see taking her dog for a jaunt at 6am. Who then (if you all didn't know) comes home at 7am to cook a delicious breakfast, and still has a whole day ahead of her. and she F-ing Ceases that F-ing Day like there's no F-ing tommorrow!!! Yeah, that'll be me some day. I'm slowly but surely setting my alarm. Even if its at noon. I'm setting it! I am slowly setting it back to 11am, 10am, 9 am, 8am, 7am, then finally the 6am lady!!
- No Regrets
"Everything happens for a reason". Yes sure- Like one of those grainy painting made up of splotchy spots that; if you stare at it long enough you see a man riding a horse on the beach, but if you just glance at it: it's a shitty framed picture of multi colored spots (please tell me you know what I'm talking about). Life is kind of like that aint it?
Sometimes at first thought- life can seem to be in the crapper. But, if you tilt your head and quit focusing too hard.. you then think " ahhh, ok I see.." Over the last few years, I've progressed at figuring out what horrible experiences I've had, have happened for what reason. At some point in your life- you need to stop being the victim.
If you've been a victim in a situation, it is downright awful. Now at some point you have to conciously CHOSE to STOP being that victim. And make something of it. Whether it be a loss of a family member, assault, disease, disorder, crime, even a bad decision...Whatever it is, it can be overcome.
From a different angle, I'm talking about taking advantage of opportunities. I have been dealt some offers very recently to go abroad again, I've been doing the whole pro's and con's, what if's, who? when? where?'s and yada yada... But I definately don't want to make a decision I will regret. So, in being able to look back at things and make them full of purpose and not regret, I can prevent those things by chosing wisely in the first place. Whew.
- Be HAPPY
There's been times where on any given day or at any given hour, you could find me in my dark bedroom, on my bed staring at the wall, speechless, with tears streaming down my face. Like my favorite quote from a Mason Jennings song "The Past is beautiful like the darkness between the fireflies". If I never had those dark times, how would I be able to appreciate the contrast of what I emote? If we were to only see fireflies during the daylight, we wouldn't be able to appreciate their beauty, as we do when we see them against the dark sky. I now understand what it's like to work hard for a well being. I am happy and it can be damn near impossible at times to feel that way, but isn't that plain human?
- Have a Fabulous Party
I want to throw a party. Where I chose every table coth, flower, drink, horderve, playlist, EVERYTHING. I want everybody of importance in my life to be there. I want it to be at my absolutely favorite spot in the whole world. I want to have each napkin say why I love each person there with a memory on it. I want to not be the focal point of the Party- Shall we call this a Reverse Wedding? I think so. I will need to start a savings account for this, along with my bakery, starting my next paycheck!
I could go on.. and this will go on 'to be continued' because it's good to steer yourself in a direction when things seem to be swerving every which way.
