I found this blog I had written almost two years ago, I was sort of longing to move on with life, somewhat emotionally weak. Now I look back, and completely apprecaite that I had written this. I may not have completely written how I was feeling, but reading this puts me back there and feel everything. Oh, and it makes me miss Hawaii sooooo much.




October 22, 2005 - Saturday


Life is pretty
Current mood: mellow

Through my hour long drive home today I drive past the beautiful mountains near Kualoa Ranch and see a Japanese tourist sitting on the little fence with the signature peace sign; holding up her index and middle finger, with a big smile on her face. Her loved one standing by the rental car capturing such a sight in a click of a button. Later down the road I saw a man and his two little boys standing thigh- deep in the ocean side by side, fishing pole in hand, all very focused. The boys both staring at their father watching his every move... Near Hauula there is a young boy in his dirty red football uniform walking along side the road, I think he was singing, either that or having an intense discussion with him self about the game he just executed. Daily, I see the old men and women who live by the beach and live in their car, so skinny that if the wind blew any harder I'd worry that they might break, Usually, they've got a bottle wrapped in brown paper in one fist and/or a cigarette in the other, most are so tan and leathery, you can see they've lived a life of adventure. You know they've got amazing stories to tell...

I don't really know what I am writing about. It just made me think about what my sister-in-law once said. She said that someone had once told her that when you die; you see your life as pictures... Like a roll of film. And when you look back at your life, the most memorable times have definitely influenced you one way or another. I don't know if I will ever get to speak with these people I see on the side of the roads daily. But they definitely have been a part of my life.

When I am older and think back about the days I lived in Hawaii.. I'll remember the 50 something- year- old woman living in her red car who usually is having her hearty breakfast (Milwaukee’s Best) with trinkets, clothing, and keepsakes scrunched into the back of the car. How on a day when I was feeling down for one reason or another, I'd drive past her, enjoying her beautiful morning... And I was buried in self-pity because of one reason or another. That woman inspired me to look at what I have in life and be grateful of it. Not to wish for what it could have been or could be. To be thankful for what I have now. Living in Paradise that attracts people from all over the world, snapping photographs of the breathtaking ocean, mountains, trees and plants. Capturing the memories of the little time they had on the island. The father and his boys, out enjoying nature, getting out of the house...rather than sitting in glued to the remote controls of the latest video game... The little boy in his football Jersey, Daydreaming possibly about his plans as a future NFL player, reminding myself of my younger days and the things I dreamt up....

Anyway. I guess I'm sort of rambling. But today I realized that I need to stop complaining about how I want to leave Hawaii and such. It's actually much easier to live in the present rather than dwell on the past or or the longing until this happens or until we move there. Because Day by day I live my life and it's me who chooses to live in the present or to sit around and wait for the future. Because who knows if I'll have a tomorrow? And I will have just spent my last days waiting for the days I wouldn't even ever posses...


I know this may be incredibly repetitious and cliché at times. But I guess there are reasons some things are cliché ...right?