benefits of insomnia

It's the age-old question: What's the world coming to??

There have been several nights where I've been welcomed by the sound of police sirens and helicopters hovering above my apartment complex.  I've heard cops chasing (what I could only imagine would be) criminals.  Sound bytes of walkie talkies informing the whereabouts of the 'subject',  The intense pitter-patter of a twenty something's feet, yelling "OH SHIT!".

And I live in Santa Monica... a beach side suburb of Los Angeles, I can only imagine what it's like in the heart of the city.

I was up the other night at about 2am. I was Watching a little DVR'd (isn't that an adjective nowadays?) television.  And heard scurrying  outside, I hear a car start up in the parking garage, and a man's frantic voice muffled in attempt to keep quiet. I pause my TV, flick off the lights, and find myself peeping out of my curtains like Tom himself.  Wondering if it was a car-jacking or robbery.  The ruckus was reminiscent of the law enforced circus acts on previous late night occasions. I couldn't really see much, I run to my door, double check the locks, and assume my position back at the windowsill.

After looking around, I find an SUV stalled in the parking garage, it was the source of where everything was coming from. A man, running around like a headless chicken, as my eyes focused into the passenger seat, I notice a woman's ripe and protruding belly. I was brought not quite to tears, but more so a giant frog in my throat.  It wasn't a thief, nor a drug dealer. The commotion was one of the most beautiful things life has to offer.  There I sat, some random, nosy, neighbor lady witnessing such an intimate moment for that family.

I was truly taken aback.

What kind of person am I? Am I THAT person? Who automatically jumps to conclusions? I've always secretly prided myself on giving others the benefit of the doubt. But that's with conscious thought.  My instinct, however, does not.  In my 22 years, I've formed a callous. The prepared for the worst, hope for the best type of thing.  I never in my frazzled mind would have thought of the "glass half full" side of things in that scenario at 2am in a parking garage.

Isn't it interesting that sometimes we think we know who we are?  When its just a fantasized idea of who we aspire to be.  Aspirations of a better you or I, is fantastic, don't get me wrong. You can't get anywhere without striving for it.  It just made me sit back and evaluate who and how I really am. I obviously  know who and how I WANT to be.  I want to love unconditionally, benefit from dark struggles, and whole heartily live to my full potential.  I don't want to be quick to judge, I don't want to be taken advantage of, or be swindled into something that ISN'T me.


That night accumulated another handful of sleepless hours. I had butterflies. I was sorrowful... I had sparked a long long train of thought for myself.  It made me think of life, death, trials, and overcoming them.  I thought of a thief feeling the chillingly icy handcuffs suffocate his wrists for the first time, and mother introduced to the newborn she had spent every moment with for the last nine months.  
What were they thinking at the moment, how did they get there?  

It's things like that that make life beautiful.

Sooner or later I will defeat my faults and attain a few of my goals.  
It's all just one giant learning process.
and I find myself somewhere in the midst of it all, overwhelmed with excitement, stomach in knots and I would imagine not at all prepared.