How to lose 6 inches in 60 minutes.

For the last... I don't know- fragment of my life, if I received a dollar for every time someone referred to me as a hippie, I'd probably have a nice wad of cash.

Today, I finally said goodbye and made peace with my mane. I personally am not one of those people that gets super attached to their hair, I actually happen to neglect giving much attention to it at all, and before I know it I am able to tuck it into my waist belt and or/ tie it over and around my lady lumps, sporting my locks as a halter top. Even when Andrew and I distance ourselves, hovering over opposite sides of the bed, I still find myself demanding he ought to "Get off of my hair!". Through my agent harassing me to sever off a minimum of 4 inches, my split ends dusting off Andrew's nightstand, and fellow lovers of Peace, not war- asking me for a doobie: It was time to Leave my hair with the dust in the wind, at Woodstock '69.

While I was leaving the salon, a woman and her daughter entered with an extreme response to the shag carpet I had recently installed.
*GASP*
"WOW! SO MUCH HAIR!!!"

As If they thought "Hair" secretly meant "Dentist" and "Salon" was code for "Office", expecting to be welcomed in by the redundant melodies of Sheryl Crow, the aromas of sour bubblegum & rubber gloves, and instead of seeing the floors sporadically upholstered by freshly chopped locks , they expected to see the Walls smothered by photos of Awkwardly smiling teens freshly liberated from their damaging alias "Brace Face".

Hair? In a Salon? Noooo!?

I contemplated informing the woman we had finished watching 101 Dalmatians in the backroom, and through inspiration; murdered a golden retriever in hopes to make a nice fur coat for Fall/Winter '08.

(please, Vegans and Vegetarians, I am one of your kind. And have been for quite some time. I just dabble in tasteless humor from time to time. Please forgive me.)

The unforgiving glare she tossed over at my moccasins, told me she wouldn't so much appreciate my comment, for once I thought before I spoke, and went on my Jolly way, realizing: I now may have to wear a bra, because my hair no longer covers my little breasts.


damn.